The Letter
by Kate Rosen
Summary: Snooping around and looking for her Christmas present from Fritz, Brenda finds an unexpected surprise.


_December 21__st_

"For heaven's sake, this place is not that big! Fritzy must have hid my Christmas present somewhere around here…"

Brenda frantically searched her house from top to bottom. Fritz had been hinting all week at what a great present he had gotten her this year, and she was dying to know what it was for two reasons. First, she hated not knowing a secret. That was part of why she was such a great homicide detective—how and why someone murders someone else is one of the biggest secrets of all, and she could never rest until she figured it out.

The other reason Brenda was so anxious to see what Fritz had gotten her was that she still hadn't gotten him anything, and she needed to know what she was up against. There were only three more shopping days until Christmas, and she still didn't have a clue of what to give him.

After ransacking the bedroom and hall closets, as well as his dresser drawers and the kitchen cabinets, she rushed into the guest room. It was rare that she arrived home before Fritz in the evening, and she knew he would be walking in at any minute. After a quick search of the guest room closet, she sat on the bed to think.

"Under the bed!" she almost shouted when the idea occurred to her. Immediately, she dropped to the floor, crawled to the right side of the bed, and lifted the quilt to peek underneath.

Her first thought was that she really ought to clean under the beds more often. She found one of her missing slippers, a pair of panties, a multivitamin, an empty bottle of Merlot (really?), and lots of dust bunnies. After pulling all of these things out, she spotted a small box wrapped with a bow. "Paydirt!" she whispered. Carefully, she worked to loosen the ribbon so that she could tie it back on neatly and Fritz would be none the wiser. With a box this size, she was thinking jewelry, definitely jewelry. Fritz was always so thoughtful…

Brenda was baffled to discover only a folded piece of paper inside the box. She unfolded it and recognized Fritz's handwriting immediately:

_Brenda,_

_Roses are red._

_Violets are blue._

_You had better stop snooping._

_Or it will just be coal for you!_

_Santa_

Brenda's eyes grew wide. How did he know? She quickly rewrapped the box and smiled. Of course Fritz knew she would snoop. Fritz knew her better than she knew herself. Smiling, she sprawled under the bed to replace the box when something else caught her eye. A yellow legal pad stood wedged between the bed and the wall. Brenda couldn't count the number of times that she had fallen asleep writing thoughts that popped into her head about a case she was working on or jotting a to-do list for the next day. Sometimes she would work in the guest room if it was late and she wanted to let Fritz sleep. For heaven's sake, she should buy stock in those legal pads with how many she went through in a year!

She wiggled the notepad a bit to loosen it from its position and pulled it out, expecting to see her nearly indecipherable late-night chicken-scratch.

Her heart nearly stopped when she realized what she held in her hands. Her mother's unmistakable, looping script stared back at her. She had to remind herself to breathe as her eyes welled with tears. She could barely decipher the words on the page:

_My Dearest Brenda Leigh,_

_If you're reading this letter, it means that we never got that minute to talk. I still wanted to share something with you, though, so this stubborn old lady decided to write it down. I know you think you get your stubbornness from your Daddy, but, poor child, you actually got it from the both of us._

_Don't worry, Honey, I'm not angry with you. I know that your job is important and that you take it very seriously. You've always been that way. Even as a girl, you would stay up all hours of the night to be sure that your school assignments were done just right. In high school, you would stay late at school to practice with the debate team, and when you ran for class president, I don't think you slept for an entire week! (And while we're on the subject, you would have made a much better president than that Ella May Collins. But look on the bright side, today she's saddled with four babies by three different daddies in a double-wide outside of Decatur, while you're living in Hollywood with a husband who looks like a movie star!)_

_What I'm trying to say, Brenda Leigh, is that I'm proud of you. Always have been. You are so smart, and wonderful, and I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I just worry about you, Honey, as all mothers do. Before you know it, you'll be 78 years old like your Mama here, and you'll wonder where all your time went. I don't want you to have any regrets. When I look back on my life, I see my family as my greatest accomplishment and my greatest joy. I'm not saying that a woman has to be a mother to be fulfilled. Lord, no. I just don't want you to miss out on anything because you're scared. I bet you didn't think I knew that, did you? Everyone thinks nothing scares Brenda Leigh Johnson, but I'm your Mama, and I know better._

_You wouldn't believe how much Charlie has changed since her time with you and Fritz two summers ago. She is more polite, she helps her parents around the house, and she is even planning on going to college in the fall—something she never talked about before. A few weeks ago I sat down with her. She had come over to help out with your Daddy and was being so sweet. I asked her, "What happened that made you grow up into such a beautiful young lady?" She said that it was her time with you and Fritz. Her eyes lit up when she talked about the two of you. She even remarked that it was a shame that you all don't have any children, because you would make wonderful parents._

_I'm sharing this with you, not because I want you to feel guilty or pressured into having children. I just want you to know what others see in you. I will always love you no matter what you decide, but please really stop and think about this, and make the decision that's right for you. Just don't wait too long before time makes the decision for you, if you catch my drift._

_Lordy be, it looks like I've filled up almost five pages here! I didn't mean to ramble on, I just needed to say my piece. And, now I promise to never bring up the subject of grandbabies again. I love you with all of my heart, my dear Brenda Leigh. I always have and always will. I'll see you again real soon._

_Your Mama_

Brenda remained seated on the floor and reread the letter over and over until the words all ran together. When she finally paused to catch her breath, she clutched the note pad to her chest and sobbed.

"Brenda?" Fritz called from the kitchen. She never even heard him come in, but he heard her cries immediately and rushed to her side. "Honey, what happened?" he asked with urgency. A million scenarios ran through his mind.

"Mama, oh Mama…" Brenda choked out between tears as she collapsed into his waiting arms.

_December 24__th_

Sometimes Brenda looked like an angel when she slept. Her beautiful, blonde curls would frame her face and the light streaming in from the window would give her a glow that would struck a sense of awe in Fritz, who wouldn't be able to take her eyes off of her. Today was not one of those days.

Brenda was sprawled out on her stomach. Her hair covered her face, and when Fritz gently brushed it aside, her mouth was gaping open and a small puddle of drool had gathered on her pillow. Fritz smiled at the sight. God, how he loved this woman. He gently kissed her forehead and moved to whisper in her ear, "Merry Christmas, Sweetheart."

Brenda's lips curved into a smile as her eyelids fluttered open. "Merry Christmas, Fritzy. What time is it?"

"Almost eight. You'd better get up if you still want to do our Christmas together before we need to head to the airport for our flight to Atlanta this afternoon. I made French toast," he added with a smile before he moved to softly kiss her lips.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Brenda asked, her expression serious as she caressed his face.

"I ask the same question about you," Fritz responded, leaning in for another kiss. "Don't move. I'll be right back." He hurried back into the kitchen.

"Can I at least pee?" she called after him.

"I'll allow it," he shouted back.

Going about her morning bathroom routine, Brenda contemplated how blessed she had been feeling over the past few days. After sharing her mother's letter with Fritz, he had held her until she cried herself to sleep. When she finally awoke a few hours later, the two of them ate a quiet dinner until Brenda began analyzing the letter's meaning and beating herself up about putting her mother off the last time that she saw her.

Rambling on, she finally stood to take her dishes to the sink. Fritz grabbed her and gently ordered, "Stop."

Brenda was momentarily shaken out of her guilt-induced hazed as she considered Fritz's face. He continued, "You need to stop this, Brenda. You saw the letter. Your mother loved you. She wasn't angry. Don't you realize how lucky you are to have found it? This is the closure you've been searching for. Take it for the blessing that it is. Let the rest go. Your mom would want you to."

Fritz was right, and Brenda knew that. After a few more tears, he helped her preserve the letter in plastic page protectors. With all the handling and tears it had withstood already, it wouldn't last much longer without some sort of protection. It was a treasure that she would keep forever. That realization gave her such a sense of peace, and that night, wrapped in Fritz's loving embrace, she slept the best she'd slept in months.

"You all right in there?" Fritz's question jolted Brenda back to the present. "Breakfast's getting cold."

"Coming!" she called.

After plates of bacon and French toast with plenty of syrup, Brenda and Fritz took their coffee to the living room and settled by the tree to exchange gifts.

"You first," Brenda said with a grin. She couldn't take the suspense any longer.

"Okay." Fritz handed Brenda a wrapped package about one square foot in size. She immediately shook it, and it made no sound. It was solid. She slowly unwrapped one corner and peered inside. "Would you just open it already!" Fritz cried in exasperation.

Brenda startled at his outburst, but then smiled and tore off the paper like an excited child. She uncovered a leather-bound album. What she saw inside the front cover took her breath away. It was a photograph of herself as a toddler seated on her mother's lap. The two of them were turned toward each other and smiling from ear to ear. Brenda had always loved this picture, but hadn't seen it in years.

She marveled at page after page of the most beautiful photographs. Her father and brothers made appearances in a few, but most of them were of Willie Rae and Brenda, or Willie Rae alone. There were pictures from birthdays, Brenda's high school and college graduations, her senior prom, family vacations, and some were of no special occasion at all.

"How did you.. When…" Brenda was at a loss for words when she finally tore her eyes away from the album and toward Fritz.

Fritz reached toward her face to wipe a tear off her cheek. "I got the pictures from your dad when I came to visit you in Atlanta, and then I put them in the album when I got back to LA. Then I just had to hide it from you for three months. Do you like it?"

"Like it?" Brenda almost laughed in response. "I love it, Fritzy. It's better than anything I could have imagined." She leaned in to kiss him with such passion that she knocked him onto his back. Fritz was not complaining, however, and responded in kind.

After a minute or so, he broke away to ask, "Brenda?"

"Hmmm?" was her response, as she continued to kiss her way down his neck.

"Is it my turn now?"

"Huh?" she stopped to ask, confused.

"Are you going to give me my present now?"

"Well, I was trying to…" she started with a sly grin.

"What?" Now Fritz was confused.

"Wait right here," she commanded as she ran back to their bedroom. She quickly returned with a small wrapped box. "Here. Open."

Fritz tore off the paper and opened the lid. He frowned. "Brenda, is this…" He lifted the contents slowly. "Are these your birth control pills?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, biting her lip.

"And why are you giving me these?"

"Look at them, Fritzy. I was supposed to start that new pack yesterday morning, and I didn't. I'm going to throw them out."

The wheels started turning in Fritz's brain. "So, you're going off your birth control, because…"

Brenda shrugged. "I thought we'd see what happens." She moved to hold his hand. "Listen, Fritzy. I'm 45 years old. I have PCOS. I don't even know if I can get pregnant. I never really thought about it much when I was young. And when I married my first husband, even though I thought I loved him, I definitely didn't want to have kids with him. I thought my time was up after that. Then I met you." She looked up at his face and he smiled. "I think you would make an excellent father. Me, I don't know if I'm cut out to be a mother, but I want to try, with you."

"Are you sure about this?" he asked. "Because you don't have to do this. I'd be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life just the two of us."

"I know that, Fritzy. I never felt pressured by you. The truth is—I'm scared out of my mind. But, I don't want to have any regrets. I want us to just try, and see what happens. Maybe if it's meant to be…"she looked down, but Fritz reached his hand under her chin to bring her face back up.

"Hey. For the record, I think you'd make a wonderful mother. And even if we can't make a baby," he smiled, "I know we'll have fun trying."

Brenda smiled as he leaned to kiss her. "Do we have time now?" she asked.

Fritz looked at his watch. "It's only 9. We have three hours. Time to make a few babies," he said with a grin.

Brenda's face fell. "Fritz Howard, I swear, if you put more than one baby in me, I'll kill you."

Fritz laughed an almost evil laugh as he scooped her into his arms and carried her to their bedroom.


End file.
